What’s with the tears?

That was really weird.  I just finished crying.  It’s not only weird because I am not a big crier, I can’t even tell you why I was crying.

After the week I just had I should be singing and pirouetting around in the yard.  I got to hang out with some pretty awesome people, I got a sunburn (yes, this is a positive thing considering its April in Maine), I played a lot of basketball, and I learned so much about myself, who I am, and how happy I can be.  Heck, I’m even starting a new job tomorrow.

So, what in the world was there to cry about?

Let’s get down to a little more detail.  This afternoon I packed up my stuff from my friend’s house and piled it into my car.  This consisted of zipping up my still filled suitcases and laying my dress clothes in my trunk, hanger and all, but we will call it “packing” just to make it easier.  Everything I will need for the next seven weeks fit comfortably in my mid-size sedan.  I made the drive up route 7 to my dad’s house and he helped me carry everything into the house (this took all of 2 trips).  I set my things down, saw the space I would be occupying for almost two months, and then I sat on the twin mattress and cried.

The tears were rolling.  My first reaction was, “ew, seriously??”  My second thought was, “what, why!?”

The room I’m sharing with my step sister is great.  I was actually really excited about how organized it turned out to be and how perfect it would work for me, just what I needed, a place to settle into every night.

Settle.  Ha, I will be spending the night here five times a week until mid-June and I consider that “settling down.”  I am a smart girl so I do realize that sounds a bit off, even as I’m writing it I have to chuckle.  But, you have to understand, my brain is not used to this.  When I am in Maine for the four of five months out of the year I’m always on the go, time to do anything I want, flexibility to see who I want, and make my own plans.

But I can’t wait to finally settle down and I do mean the normal version of settling down: house, dog, family, and career.  So, that can’t be why the weeping came.

I, and probably most others, think of crying as a response to being sad or stressed.  I did not feel either of those when I started crying.  I’ve also shed a few tears in my time due to pure joy, but I wasn’t feeling that at the time of said crying episode either.

Another reason people cry, though, is because they are overwhelmed.  I’m wondering if this is what is going on.  I am definitely surprised at where my life is right now; three weeks ago I couldn’t have predicted  a single thing that is happening in my life right now.. and I have a pretty good imagination.

I think it’s just unreal what life conjures up for you.  It’s so unpredictable.  Just when you doubt that you’ll make the smallest choice and it will change your life’s direction.  Even the slightest breeze or shortest gust of wind can send you along a different route.  That’s the great thing though; you never know when one of those drafts will bring you some of the best moments of your life.  Now, that is definitely nothing to cry about.

Danielle Clark

About Danielle Clark

I am 28 years old and for 5 years out of college I played basketball for a living. I was a professional basketball player in Europe so I spent most of my years there and came back to Maine for summers and a couple weeks at Christmas time. I thought my years there would open my eyes to what I want to be when I "grow up." That didn't happen. I have discovered, however, that I just have to try something. Just do things and toss myself into them. I have currently tossed myself into being a college basketball assistant coach and one on one reading tutor. I grew up in Corinna, Maine and have been a resident Mainer. I love sports, reading, writing, cooking, baking, watching movies... everything. I have lots of hobbies and not enough time in the day!